


Sounds of Heaven

by moonbeambucky



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: ASMR, ASMRtist!Reader, F/M, Fluff, Light Angst, YouTube
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-24
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2019-08-28 12:00:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16722951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonbeambucky/pseuds/moonbeambucky
Summary: Tired of another night without sleep, Bucky finds an unlikely source for help





	Sounds of Heaven

**Author's Note:**

> Written on tumblr for gaybybirth 10k Celebration & Writing Challenge! My prompt was “I know all of your weaknesses.”

It’s that time of the year when the dark cover of night once again settles in the sky much earlier than Bucky Barnes would prefer. It never bothered him in the past, when his life was full of carefree thoughts, hoping he’d be able to sneak a dame out of her house and cuddle up together on a cold winter’s night.

Winter. He shudders when he thinks of it. Ever since he broke free of Hydra and regained some semblance of his life back, he’s grown to hate the winter and all things associated with the season that stretches its claws into the cool autumn nights and chills him to the bone in early Spring.

Wakanda was a true paradise where the glowing sun warmed his skin and he relished in its heat, where every day he worked hard, giving back as much as he could to the people that gave him the world.

Bucky could never repay Shuri and T’Challa for giving him his life back. For the first time in years Bucky felt like he could breathe, without feeling the weight of his actions uncomfortably resting on his shoulders. His mind was clear of his demons and he could finally sleep, but unfortunately this peaceful reprieve was only temporary.

The war for humanity started and this time they lost. Bucky was trapped once again, stuck in some otherworldly plane and like his cryogenic prison he was unable to do anything but hope and wait.

After things were restored the world was trying to piece itself together and Bucky, along with his friends, were doing what they could to help.

Wakanda was a distant memory and Bucky found himself surrounded by the bitter New York winter. Nights were long as he wrestled with his mind, screaming for his brain to shut up so he could get an hour or two of sleep. His exhaustion was obvious from the deep bags that settled under his eyes to the bitter attitude he couldn’t help but give his friends. It made Bucky hate himself all over again and he longed for the peaceful days in the sun, where his mind was at ease.

Everyone handled life after Thanos’ defeat differently. Tony and Pepper were quickly married, Clint retired, for good this time he insisted, to be with his family, Sam volunteered more with the VA, remembering how therapeutic it was to help others work through traumatic events.

For all the shit Sam gave Bucky he really did care about him and suggested he see a therapist. Bucky had more than a lifetime of issues and Sam believed the sooner he started talking about them the sooner his sleep issues would resolve.

Bucky was reluctant, not wanting to let his reinforced walls down. To his credit he still went, but he knows for therapy to work he needs to open up and right now he’s not willing to do so.

His sleep issues were becoming worse and he was desperate. He tried yoga with Natasha, meditation with Wanda and Bruce but none of it helped. Bucky sat up in bed, angrily throwing off his comforter that brought him anything but comfort, and grabbed his laptop.

The internet was still fairly new to him but he found it always held the answers to whatever questions he had, albeit with a lot of unfiltered commentary. He scanned through article after article on ways to get better sleep, natural insomnia cures and how to relax. He groaned out loud, exhaling a defeated sigh. He’s tried everything, limit caffeine, don’t work out so close to bedtime, take melatonin and valerian supplements; none of it worked.

Bucky was about to give up until suddenly his eyes caught the thumbnail of a video and the face of a beautiful girl smiling back at him. The caption, “Sleep Inducing Relaxation | Personal Attention ASMR”.

The title intrigued him and Bucky figured he has nothing to lose. Pressing play on the video, soft soothing music is heard as an image comes up. The logo says, “Y/N Whispers” with a sleeping crescent moon, followed by a text reminder to wear headphones.

The music fades out and a girl appears on screen. She’s smiling, [fluttering her fingers](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fyoutu.be%2FdZOSYH4kQ34%3Ft%3D80&t=NzQ4MGE5MTlmZDc0MzU4M2E3ODI1MTc3YjgzNGM3ODhkYWU0MzA4MixMTjBDTnhFUw%3D%3D&b=t%3A4IBk3eqNX5h7cHTV4pcqRQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fmoonbeambucky.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F179997973576%2Fsoundsofheaven&m=0)towards the sides of the screen and speaking in a whisper, as she introduced herself as Y/N. She leans towards each side of the screen, going back and forth in between sentences and Bucky realized he should probably put in headphones as he was told.

With the buds secured he continued the video hearing her sweet voice in his ear, sometimes more prominently on one side depending on where she’s leaning and talks about how she’s going to do an assortment of triggers that will help the viewer fall asleep by the end of the video.

Bucky instantly tenses at the thought. He’s certain that the Hydra triggers would never work on him again and logic told him that the chances of this random girl on a YouTube channel being related to any of those horrors was slim to none. His thoughts were quickly washed away as she already begun. Her hands are unseen as they create the [sound that fills his ears](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fyoutu.be%2FDSiHrUnuWTE%3Ft%3D464&t=MjNjMDcwOGIyMWI1YmY3YzUxODNiMjk0MTFjMzVhNGI5ZmY1MjMwZixMTjBDTnhFUw%3D%3D&b=t%3A4IBk3eqNX5h7cHTV4pcqRQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fmoonbeambucky.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F179997973576%2Fsoundsofheaven&m=0). It’s familiar and yet he can’t quite place what it is until she speaks again.

“It’s nice to get a scalp massage,” Y/N softly whispered. “It’s very relaxing.”

Suddenly everything clicked and Bucky understood the need for headphones. Whatever she’s doing off screen combined with the equipment she’s using is fully immersing him in the experience. He knows it’s not real but he swears he can feel her hands running through his hair.

There’s a twinge in his heart as he remembered a time from long ago, when he’d be walking a date home, taking her up to the doorstep and leaning in for a kiss that sometimes went a little beyond what was appropriate for the front porch. Her nails would scratch through his hair, grabbing the strands for purchase as he pulled sweet moans from her.

Bucky wonders if he’ll ever know that feeling again, being wanted, feeling loved. He hasn’t been with anyone in far longer than he’d care to admit and he’s unwilling to put himself out there, not wanting to face his inevitable rejection.“

As Y/N continues the massage she breaks the silence occasionally by asking if it feels good or that she hopes it’s helping him relax. Bucky knows she isn’t speaking to  _him_ personally but it does feel nice all the same, and even if it isn’t real it gives him a slight confidence boost that a woman is talking to him and not running for her life.

With her next trigger, as Bucky comes to understand, she takes a [makeup brush ](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fyoutu.be%2FVUGl3uzD6ZE%3Ft%3D224&t=Mzg2NGRhYmJkOWRhOGE1Njc5NDIwYTQxNmUxYzVlODcwMzUzZDUwNixMTjBDTnhFUw%3D%3D&b=t%3A4IBk3eqNX5h7cHTV4pcqRQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fmoonbeambucky.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F179997973576%2Fsoundsofheaven&m=0)and drags it gently down the screen. His ears are filled with the sound of the bristles softly caressing the microphone and suddenly he feels a rush of tingles at the back of his head, spreading down his body like a warm shiver. It’s an odd sensation but he feels strangely comforted. For a moment he was at ease, as if the brush was softly sweeping away his anxieties.

Bucky shimmies down the bed, lying on his side and placing the laptop by his pillow so he can continue to watch. He doesn’t realize until the morning that he actually fell asleep. He chuckled thinking that Y/N was right about her video.  
After changing his clothes Bucky leaves his room with the hint of smile painted on his face, one that does not go unnoticed by his teammates as he entered the kitchen.

“Bucky!” Steve enthusiastically called out, happy to see Bucky walking, as opposed to trudging, around the kitchen. “Feelin’ alright?” he asked, even though he knew something had changed.

“Yeah, ‘m good. Got a couple hours of sleep,” Bucky replied.

Bucky wasn’t ready to share his sleeping solution yet. He’s still not sure what ASMR is and if it would even work again. That night he scrolled through Y/N’s YouTube channel and saw she posted a video a few hours ago that was described as an ear cleaning video. He’s hesitant as he’s never associated an ear cleaning as anything relaxing but nevertheless he puts in his ear buds and plays the video.

A smile graces his face when he sees Y/N’s welcoming smile. She’s wearing a blue sweater whose sleeves are a little too long but he thinks it’s cute, seeing the material bunched up around her palms as she gives a fluttering welcome. She’s whispering again, her voice sounding so delicate in his ears.

“It was highly requested I use the 3Dio for the next ear cleaning video, so let’s begin.”

She smiled brightly into the camera before turning her attention to the piece of equipment in front of her, a black rectangle with an ear at the end of each side. Bucky thinks it’s one of the strangest looking things he’s ever seen but as soon as she begins softly [rubbing the ears](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fyoutu.be%2Fys8mASN4HPM%3Ft%3D184&t=N2Y3ZDJiMTM0ZDE2Yzc1ZGY5NzM2ZWQwZmJmZDdiOWIwN2I1MWNkZSxMTjBDTnhFUw%3D%3D&b=t%3A4IBk3eqNX5h7cHTV4pcqRQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fmoonbeambucky.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F179997973576%2Fsoundsofheaven&m=0) he quickly dismisses his previous thought.

The tingling sensation began instantly as Y/N’s hands rubbed the faux ears. It reminded him of how you could pick up a shell and hear the ocean except it was better, he felt like the shell and inside his ears were the crashing waves that lapped upon the sandy shore. He felt lighter, exhaling without restriction, the sound gently washing away his stress.

The morning sunlight slowly crept in to Bucky’s room until it hit his eyes and without thinking he threw his metal arm over his face to block it. Feeling the pang of metal against the bridge of his nose Bucky woke up, taking note of his laptop in sleep mode on his bed.  _She did it again._

Bucky pads barefoot into the bathroom to start his day but before he leaves to join the team he sits back in bed and grabs his laptop. The last two nights have been the best sleep he’s gotten since he left Wakanda and he wants to know what this miracle is and why it wasn’t listed in any of the hundreds of articles he read.

Bucky reads as much as he can about ASMR, how visual and auditory stimuli elicit a euphoric feeling and tingling sensation on the skin. It’s a field in its infancy and it’s not an exact science. Everyone has different triggers and some people are not affected at all. There isn’t enough research on the subject yet but Bucky believes in it. ASMR is a miracle and Y/N is the angel that bestowed it upon him.

The more Bucky reads the less comfortable he feels about wanting to share his new found secret. Not everyone understands ASMR, thinking it’s something sexual or downright weird. Bucky’s had enough judgment in his life and really doesn’t want to add anymore.

Bucky opened the YouTube app on his phone, deciding it was a more convenient way to watch, and for the last week he’s fallen asleep every night to one of Y/N’s videos. He knows there are many more ASMR creators but he preferred to stay with her.

At the end of his first full week of sleep Bucky decided he wanted to thank Y/N. He created an account, TheWhiteWolf, stemming from a nickname given to him by some children in Wakanda. Under the last video he watched where she’s [drawing on a chalkboard](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fyoutu.be%2F25k-yFADmPM%3Ft%3D361&t=MDllOThiZWQ3MGE2OGU0N2IxNjFhNzE2MTU5MDY5OTAzYjhiYzUzYixMTjBDTnhFUw%3D%3D&b=t%3A4IBk3eqNX5h7cHTV4pcqRQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fmoonbeambucky.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F179997973576%2Fsoundsofheaven&m=0), Bucky took a deep breath and typed out his first ever internet comment.

“After finding your videos I’m proud to say I’ve had a full week of sleep, something I didn’t think was possible anymore. Thank you so much. You have no idea how much you’ve helped me.”

Bucky sent the comment and went about his day. During dinner he was alerted by a notification that pulled his attention to his phone. “Your comment got a <3 from Y/N Whispers!” Bucky can’t help the smile that pulled widely on his face.

“What’s got you so happy, Frosty?” Sam asked curiously, as subtle tones of his taunting nature were just itching to come out.

Bucky shrugged it off as nothing but the sudden blush that crept on his face said otherwise.

“It’s a girl, huh? Nah, you don’t have to say it, I already know.”

Sam smirked as he stared at Bucky who huffed in frustration. Steve observed silently and was torn between wanting to give Bucky space and asking if what Sam assumed was true. Bucky certainly deserved happiness especially after everything he’s been through and if there was a girl out there making him happy Steve would be thrilled, even if he was slightly hurt that Bucky hadn’t yet spoken to him about her. All in due time he hoped.

In the solace of his room Bucky opened the app and went to his notifications. Next to the comment he left was a heart beside her picture, and underneath was a comment. He must have missed the notification and he was thankful he didn’t see it while he was still around Sam and everyone, otherwise he wouldn’t have been able to relish in this feeling. Y/N replied saying how happy she was to hear that she was able to help him. The simple gesture made him feel giddy all over.

There were a few hours between now and when he would turn in for bed and Bucky decided to put in his headphones and scroll through Y/N’s channel. While he loved falling asleep to her videos he hated the idea of missing anything she had to say, even if it was [unintelligible nonsense](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fyoutu.be%2FOrHc-rDqgLc&t=YzQ0ZmZmZDVhNzc5OWI0ZGU1ZjcyZTQyNWY5NDA4MzEyMWEzZmI2NyxMTjBDTnhFUw%3D%3D&b=t%3A4IBk3eqNX5h7cHTV4pcqRQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fmoonbeambucky.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F179997973576%2Fsoundsofheaven&m=0).

There were so many videos to choose from, and though he knew he would eventually watch them all he picked the one entitled, “The Real Reason I Make ASMR Videos | Soft Spoken ASMR”.

Y/N’s wearing a soft pink blouse that matched her nails while her lips were painted in a natural shade. Her eyes are sparkling, twinkling from the lighting she has set up. Behind her is a sheer white sheet with small lights cascading down. Bucky can’t help but think how beautiful she truly is, like an angel, so ethereal. Bucky lets out the breath he didn’t realize he was holding in as he watched her speak.

Her voice is different, not just because she isn’t whispering anymore. As Y/N speaks softly Bucky hears the somber undertones lacing her voice.

“A lot of people have asked why I started making ASMR videos and the reason is not something I like to talk about.” Y/N stops and looks away to compose herself. When she’s ready she stares into the camera and Bucky sees the gloss of tears on her eyes.

“I’ve lived in New York my whole life and I have to say this city is resilient. We’ve been through so much and we always rebuild. I thought the craziest thing I’d ever seen was a giant mechanical alien swimming in the sky. I was lucky that day, I was safe and no one in my family got hurt. And yes, my Mom continues to brag about how she saw Thor in person and that his arms really were bigger than her head,” Y/N chuckled and Bucky finds himself doing the same.

She loses her smile as she continues, “I wasn’t so lucky on V-Day.” V-Day, or Vanishing Day as the media had come to call it, was the day Thanos changed the world.

“I don’t have to get into the details. We all lost someone that day. I tried calling my parents and neither of them answered, t-they were gone.”

There’s a cut in the video and Bucky knew why she had stopped, the subtle tear tracks down her cheek were still visible to his enhanced eye.

“The world was a mess and so was I. I was so depressed, just going through the motions of life, barely eating or sleeping; I stopped living. Then one day there was this news report, this woman was talking about how after trying to get pregnant for years she finally gave birth to her son, and a few hours later he vanished right out of her arms.”

Y/N’s fingers rub at her nose as she stares off to the side collecting herself again. “If that were me I don’t think I would have been able to get through that, but she decided to do something. Instead of wallowing in her grief she started a support group for other parents who lost their children that day. It made me think if she could help so could I.”

“Back in college I watched ASMR videos when I needed to relax. I thought about making my own videos but it was nothing more than an idea. After V-Day I knew a lot of the ASMR community had disappeared so I decided to start this channel. If tapping on objects or pretending to give a haircut distracted someone from all the pain they were going through then I was more than happy to help and honestly, doing this has helped me too.”

As Y/N finished the video Bucky swore she had grown even more beautiful. From speaking frankly about her emotional state to how much she wanted to help, even if it was in a small way. Bucky watched more videos, and by the time sleep was ready for him, Bucky was struggling to keep his eyes open, wanting to see Y/N’s face just a little longer.

In just a few months Bucky became a fully fledged subscriber. TheWhiteWolf left comments on every video. Life as an Avenger hadn’t slowed down, so Bucky would leave comments about how excited he was to watch the video when he got home. He hadn’t told anyone about Y/N and her channel, she was his little secret, something only Bucky had to look forward to.

Bucky learned a lot about Y/N. She lives in Manhattan and is a junior accountant for a scientific research company, “It’s not as boring as it sounds,” Bucky hears the sweet melody of her voice ingrained in his mind. She has dinner with her parents every Sunday, she donates to animal charities and as far as he knows she doesn’t have a boyfriend.

Bucky knows it’s selfish of him to feel happy about that. After all that Y/N does for him and her close to 200,000 subscribers she deserves someone in her life to treat her right, to make her feel loved; he just wishes that someone could be him. Bucky isn’t sure when his crush on Y/N began, it felt like something that was always a part of him. He fell asleep to her every night that he could and he would play other videos as he got ready in the morning just to hear her voice.

Because of her he joined Instagram, something he never imagined doing, just to like and comment on her pictures there. The latest was a photo of her coffee beside a well worn book with a small glimpse of her rain streaked window.

Bucky wondered if they’ve ever passed each other on the streets of Manhattan before. He thought about what he would say if he ever ran into her. Would he admit he watches her videos? Would he chicken out? What if she knew who he was? What if she was scared of him? Bucky pushes those feelings aside. The chances of him running into her are low.

He gets a notification that Y/N posted a new video and he reaches for his headphones, smiling the moment he sees her face. She’s wearing a striped shirt with a large cardigan that looks soft, Bucky wishes he could feel it against his skin, feel  _her_ against him.

“Hey everyone,” she whispers. “Today I’m going to be answering some of your questions but first…” she [taps her nails on a mug](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fyoutu.be%2FqKUTHX2YQQ4%3Ft%3D195&t=NjM4OGFlNTQ3MmUyMjJmMWZkODQzZDNlNWYxNzMxZjkyMThjMmIxZSxMTjBDTnhFUw%3D%3D&b=t%3A4IBk3eqNX5h7cHTV4pcqRQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fmoonbeambucky.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F179997973576%2Fsoundsofheaven&m=0) filled with tea. Bucky wondered what happened to the unicorn mug she always used in previous videos.

“Joe Catlan asks ‘Hey Y/N. I wanted to know what your favorite flower is?’ Hi Joe. I really like peonies! KellyKellyBoBelly said ‘Your skin is looking flawless. What products are you using?’ Thank you so much Kelly…”

Y/N continued to answer the questions and suddenly Bucky’s heart skips a beat. “TheWhiteWolf asks ‘Hi Y/N. I wanted to know how you handle people finding out about your videos. You’ve been helping me sleep for the last six months and while my friends want to know my secret I’m not sure that they would understand.’ My friends and family know about my channel and they’re supportive. One of my co-workers found out and he definitely didn’t get it but I explained it’s a form of relaxation that helps a lot of people. Your friends should be able to understand that and honestly if they care about you they’ll be just as happy as I am to know that you’re getting sleep!”

Bucky paused the video, elated that she answered his question. He was feeling guilty for not being honest with Steve and with her encouragement he vows to tell him the truth. Besides, after all they’ve been through, having a beautiful girl whisper Bucky to sleep probably doesn’t make it on a list of the top ten weirdest things they’ve encountered.

After finishing the video Bucky leaves a comment, “Thanks for answering my question, Y/N. I’m going to tell my friend today. Just curious, where’d the unicorn mug go?”

Bucky asked to talk to Steve after training. His heart continued to beat fast even after their vigorous workout, while his stomach was twisting into knots. “Hey, uh Steve,” Bucky cleared his throat.

He shouldn’t be nervous, Steve would understand, just like Y/N said. He focuses on Y/N and her soothing whisper, taking a deep breath to calm his body and mind. Bucky told Steve about ASMR, opening his phone up to Y/N’s channel and surprisingly Steve understood.

“I practically lived in the nurse’s office at school,” Steve joked, “But it was comforting when she cleaned my wounds or comb through my hair for a lice check.”

“Y/N’s done that!” Bucky exclaimed. “She does a lot of role plays and–”

“Role plays?” Sam’s voice chimed in and instantly there is an endless pit of worry that settled in Bucky’s stomach.

Y/N’s video where she’s applying makeup is still playing and before Bucky can react, Sam ripped the phone out of his hand, staring at it with confusion.

“This chick is hot but this is what you get off to?” Sam watched as Y/N [taps a makeup sponge](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fyoutu.be%2FNDcVtu-V1lo%3Ft%3D897&t=ZmI3OTIyNjNhNmNlNWZiMGJhZGViMWI4YjFiM2NkZDk4Y2FmZTAzMSxMTjBDTnhFUw%3D%3D&b=t%3A4IBk3eqNX5h7cHTV4pcqRQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fmoonbeambucky.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F179997973576%2Fsoundsofheaven&m=0) to the screen. “Why can’t you just watch porn like the rest of us?”

With his metal hand Bucky shoved Sam against the wall while the other grabbed his phone roughly from Sam’s grasp.

“It’s not like that!” Bucky scoffed, feeling his cheeks aflame with embarrassment, his nostrils flaring as he gives his phone a protective once over, making sure Sam’s grubby hands didn’t accidentally unlike the video.

Steve’s large arms squeezed between the two men separating them. “These videos are what’s been helping Bucky sleep.”

“I still think it’s weird…” Sam’s voice trailed off as he walked out the gym.

“Come on,” Steve said, placing his hand on Bucky’s tense shoulder, “Let’s go get some food.”

Bucky relaxed and followed Steve into the kitchen. While Steve scrambled eggs Bucky was in charge of frying the bacon. After the time young Steve got burned by crackling oil from using too much heat Bucky took it upon himself to protect his friend from as many cooking dangers as he could, a gesture that has not changed even though Steve is more than capable of handling things.

While they shared their food Bucky was alerted to a reply from Y/N. “It broke! :( I’m so upset!”

Bucky knew what he wanted to do. After a shower he grabbed his laptop and with the towel still wrapped around his waist he searched for a replacement mug. He checked her latest video to get the address of her P.O. Box and ships the item to her as a gift with a message, “There’s no way I could repay you for all that you’ve done for me but I hope this helps. –James, TheWhiteWolf”

While the actual shipping information would remain anonymous Bucky thought it would feel less personal if he only left his username.

Two days later he sees a notification from Instagram and his mouth hung open in sock, Y/N messaged him. He scrambled to open the app and read what she said.

“Hi James. I got the mug, thank you soo much! That was so sweet of you, you made my day!”

The smile on Bucky’s face had spread from ear to ear and somehow it grew even wider when she started following him. Bucky had posted a few photos, all nature shots he’s taken, a gorgeous Wakandan sunset, the Rhine Falls of Switzerland, a large bumblebee covered in pollen inside one of the flowers by the complex. He didn’t caption them or hashtag anything but Y/N liked them all.

Bucky’s fingers were typing out a reply of their own volition before his brain could catch up to the action. He offered his thanks again for her making videos and suddenly they found themselves messaging every few days. Sometimes Y/N would check in to see if he was still sleeping well, other times she would ask his opinion on what type of video she should film next.

Bucky would ask questions about the filming process, like if it was awkward talking to the camera and pretending to be a doctor or stylist or whatever the video required of her.

“At first it was a little strange but I’ve gotten used to it. ASMR has become such a huge part of my life. I find myself tapping on things without realizing!” she replied.

“Tapping is great,” Bucky awkwardly replied, cringing at his response. “That sounded weird, sorry,” he sent a follow up message, followed by a few embarrassed emojis.

Y/N sent a smiley face back in return. “It’s definitely one of my favorites. I also really love the sound that’s made when you rub your hands together.”

Bucky’s smile dropped, his lips tugging downwards. “I can’t really do that. I have a prosthetic.”

He’s not sure why he told her that but it felt right to share. There’s an unspoken level of intimacy between Y/N and her viewers. She’s comforting, in her actions, the tender way she makes him feel, the way her voice feels like silk through his ears.

Even though they’ve never met he shares his bed with her every night. Part of him wishes it was real, that Y/N would be curled up against his side, that he could trace circles on her back. Would that give her tingles? Could he make her feel good? Bucky doesn’t believe he’ll ever be in a relationship again so there’s no harm in connecting with Y/N, even if it’s just through these messages.

She replied saying how sorry she was, but Bucky told her not to be.

After a few months they’ve become closer,  _well_ , as close as they can be while still putting up boundaries. Bucky didn’t want her to find out who he really is while Y/N is still protecting her privacy; she’s already dealt with some off-putting internet creeps.

Y/N admires the way James stands up for her when he sees nasty comments left on her videos from guys telling her to wear less clothing or make videos she isn’t comfortable doing.

James is sweet. In all the months they’ve been talking he’s never tried to hit on her. One time he called her doll but he apologized profusely. She finds herself looking forward to their interactions, even if it’s a simple good morning message.

It’s great to know that James has good mornings considering all the sleep troubles he had prior to finding her videos. Occasionally he still has trouble sleeping, and it’s usually when he’s travelling. She’s not sure what he does for work but it seems like he’s been everywhere.

She checks her phone to see the latest post, a picture of two goats and she can’t help but leave a comment about how adorable they are.

James replied to her privately, “Haven’t seen these guys in a while. The grumpy looking one is Sam and the little one is Stevie, named after my best friend who, like this goat, is always getting himself into trouble.”

Bucky smiled at her response, a mixture of heart-eyes and laughing emojis. He tells he’s travelling again and he might not be able to respond for a while. His heart swells as she tells him she’s looking forward to speaking again and that she hopes he sleeps well.

Bucky doubts he will. The team stopped in Wakanda to pick up one of Shuri’s latest designs that would help disarmer a Hydra stronghold in Belarus. His nightmares tend to come out whenever they’re dealing with Hydra. He can’t help it, he’s not even sure Y/N would be able to help but he wishes she could be there to reassure him that everything would be okay.

It’s a week later when Bucky returns to the Tower, incredibly sore and itching to get into his bed. He strips himself for a shower, staying under the hot stream until his fingers are wrinkled. The heat eases the tension in his muscles though he’s still aching. His bruises have faded from deep purple and black marks to faint yellow splotches on his skin. His beard is overgrown and messy, wiry hairs on his chin sticking outwards in all directions. He’ll shave later or tomorrow, he really doesn’t care.

The temperature in his room is warm enough for him to slip on a white tank top whose cotton fibers stretch across the expanse of his muscular frame. He forgoes socks as he puts on black sweatpants, walking over to where his phone was charging.

He hadn’t been able to check any messages from Y/N on the flight back. Sam was hurt and though it wasn’t anything too serious Bucky stayed with his friend, even if he was milking his injury for attention. Bucky sends her a message saying he’s feeling a bit rough, but he’s happy to be home and he’ll start catching up on her videos.

In the middle of watching her latest [hair cutting](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fyoutu.be%2FAZHEUTAOrIU%3Ft%3D713&t=YjZkMjNiYjM4NWM5MzVhYTA3MjQxOTc3MDBmN2RhMzFmYjRlMjA3NSxMTjBDTnhFUw%3D%3D&b=t%3A4IBk3eqNX5h7cHTV4pcqRQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fmoonbeambucky.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F179997973576%2Fsoundsofheaven&m=0) video, Bucky gets a message from Y/N. “Rough? Are you alright James?” She ends her sentence with a worried looking emoji.

Bucky was careful in his reply, telling her that his job can be stressful and sometimes he has to deal with things from his past, finding it hard to let go of the guilt. Even though he’s emotionally drained, he feels it’s his duty to help people.

Between this and their past conversations, Y/N asked if he’s in the military. Bucky replied that he was,  _which is true_ , he just didn’t tell her he served seventy-five years ago.

Y/N wondered if that’s how he lost his arm, and when he confirmed her suspicion her heart sank. James has probably experienced more than enough horrors in his life, no wonder he’s had such trouble sleeping. She assumed he still works with the military in some capacity considering he travels the world. He spoke about helping people, perhaps he’s a counselor, visiting active bases, taking on even more stress that wears him down.

They spend the rest of the afternoon messaging back and forth and Bucky can’t believe it. Under the guise of James, Bucky felt free, like his old self again, the charming, confident man who could make the ladies swoon. Despite his feelings he was still respectful of their friendship, apologizing again when he called her doll once more.

“It’s alright, I like it,” Y/N replied with a winking face.

Y/N found herself developing feelings for James. She had no idea what he looked like but she was in love with his personality. He was incredibly sweet and charming, never afraid to show his emotions.

When James left again for another trip Y/N wanted to surprise him. She knew how difficult these work trips were and so she filmed a personal video just for him and sent him the link.

When Bucky returned from his mission he quirked his head at the message that said “Surprise!” When he clicked the link his mouth dropped open in shock.

“Hi James,” Y/N whispered.

Hearing her address him personally had Bucky practically floating off the ground. He couldn’t believe how beautiful she made his name sound, as if it was always meant to fall from her lips so delicately.

“I’m glad you’re home.”

She smiled softly, her hands touching the side of the camera to mimic his cheek being gently caressed. Bucky was immediately enveloped by tingles, the comforting shiver that ran down his spine in blissful waves.

“You help so many people but now it’s your turn. Let me take care of you.”

Y/N brings her unicorn mug up towards the camera, tapping on the ceramic in a cascading rhythm with her nails.  
“Travel can be exhausting but I made you some tea, here.” She tilted the mug towards the camera, waiting a few moments before she continued speaking.

“I’m glad you like it and yes, this is my favorite mug. I think about you every time I use it.”

Y/N’s lips pull into a genuine smile and Bucky’s heart skips a beat. He sees the truth in her eyes and he knows she means it. She thinks about him.

Bucky sighed and Y/N continued, adjusting the camera as if James was now laying in bed. Bucky did the same, settling into his mattress as Y/N sat beside him in the video. She brings out a package that she [taps on](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fyoutu.be%2Fn9wrLeVOtYU%3Ft%3D556&t=MDJjNzdmMzJjZjUxMTUzMjBjMTE2YmJkMDBiYmM3ZmVmYTQzZDMyZCxMTjBDTnhFUw%3D%3D&b=t%3A4IBk3eqNX5h7cHTV4pcqRQ&p=http%3A%2F%2Fmoonbeambucky.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F179997973576%2Fsoundsofheaven&m=0).

“You’ve been to the most beautiful places James, but all that travel can take a toll on your skin.

The package crinkles as she pulls out what looks like a baby wipe, “I’m going to use this cleansing towelette, okay? Okay great. So we’ll start at your forehead…” She begins, motioning the wipe in the upper part of the screen, “and down your nose…” Bucky can hear the soft sound of the towelette in his ears as Y/N is brushing the microphone off screen to create the sound.

When she finished, she does a few more hand motions down the screen and even though it didn’t make a sound Bucky shivers with delight just by watching her.

“Yeah, your skin feels a lot better now,” she said, smiling as she looked down at him. “I know you’ve got a lot on your mind so let’s try to ease some of that stress okay?”

Y/N gets closer to the camera as she begins to simulate a scalp massage, running her fingers through whatever material made the sound that he enjoyed so much.

“Relax James, you deserve this,” she affirmed.

After a few minutes Y/N caresses his cheek again, “It looks like you’re about to fall asleep.” Y/N moves a blanket as she pretends to tuck him in. “Sweet dreams James,” she murmured, before leaning down to pucker her lips together and make gentle kissing sounds on each side.

The video fades to black and Bucky sits up, swiping away a tear that pooled in the corner of his eye. He felt so loved, so cared for. He knew Y/N made custom videos but he was always too embarrassed to commission one for himself but here she had done one for him, free of charge and she even kissed him. Y/N never does kissing sounds, knowing it would only fuel the perverts that already push her boundaries but she did them for him and he can’t help but feel special.

He sends her a message of thanks, voicing how much it means to him that she made this video. “And you included all of my favorite triggers!” he replied.

“ **I know all of your weaknesses** ,” she said, adding a winking emoji.

Bucky chuckled. “You really do! If someone ran their fingers through my hair like that in person I’d be putty in their hands.”

“Good to know,” Y/N said, adding a few more winking faces.

Bucky watched his video often, sometimes before bed or when he wanted to hear her whisper his name. He just finished working out and was ready for a nap now that he had showered. He was about to watch Y/N’s video before FRIDAY alerted him for an urgent mission.

A group of mercenaries invaded a lab in Manhattan to steal biochemical weapons. The fight was difficult between trying to keep as many civilians out of harm’s way while not letting their enemies succeed. Bullets were dodged, bombs were evaded and in the end Bucky, although very sore, was looking forward to crawling into his bed and falling asleep to Y/N.

Bucky opened his app and immediately sees the latest video posted by Y/N but it was the title that really grabbed his attention, “How Captain America Saved My Life! | Not ASMR”. Bucky couldn’t press the video fast enough, his frustration increasing because he had to wait for ad he couldn’t skip.

When the video finally opened Bucky is immediately stressed. There is no soothing logo, no finger fluttering, Y/N isn’t even at home. She’s in a hospital, holding her phone up to film a quick video. She’s talking in her regular voice and Bucky can’t even think about how strange it is to hear her speak that way because his heart is racing.

“Hey everyone. I wanted to apologize, I won’t be able to livestream tonight. As you can tell I’m not home. Some of you may have heard about the attack in New York today. Unfortunately, the building I work in was affected. There was an explosion and suddenly the ceiling collapsed on top of me and my ankle was pinned beneath a steel beam.”

Bucky’s hand is squeezing around the lower part of his face, his nails digging into his skin as she continues her story.

“I was screaming for help and suddenly this large blue frame came over to me. I couldn’t believe it my eyes, it was Captain America! I looked like such a mess I’m sure. Anyway, he lifted the beam off and carried me to safety.”

Y/N looks off to the side as a woman asked if she was ready. “I have to go, my surgeon is here. That beam shattered my ankle so I think I’m gonna need pins, I’m a little scared. Wish me luck and I hope to talk to you guys later.”

Y/N waved awkwardly at the screen, unease settled onto her face as she couldn’t hide her nerves.

Bucky can’t believe what happened. Y/N was there, she was  _right there_  and Bucky didn’t know. Y/N got hurt because of him. He should have stopped the bomb from going off instead of taking cover. He should have protected her. He should have been the one to– Steve!

Bucky ran as fast as he could to find Steve. “The girl!” he shouted, and Steve turned his head, squinting his eyes to silently ask what Bucky was talking about.

“You rescued a girl today, trapped under a beam.” Steve nodded, about to speak before Bucky cut him off again, “That was Y/N!”

Bucky showed Steve Y/N’s latest video, he didn’t even realize it was her. Steve never watched Y/N’s videos although Bucky would show him some her Instagram posts, when she was looking especially beautiful. Bucky loved when the sunlight hit her face just right and she was glowing. The only light that’s shining on her now is the dull fluorescents above as her surgeon works to heal her ankle.

“I need to find her,” Bucky blurted out, his mind is still scrambling from what happened.

Watching the video again, Bucky tried to see if there was any indication of what hospital she’s in. As Y/N shifted her gaze towards the voice of her surgeon, Bucky can just barely see the reflection of the woman in an x-ray chart beside her bed.

Bucky enlisted FRIDAY for help, who after facial and voice recognition determined that Y/N’s surgeon is Dr. Christine Palmer of Metro-General Hospital. With this information, Steve asked his newest acquaintance Dr. Strange for help, considering he was a former surgeon there.

As luck would have it Stephen Strange was close with Y/N’s surgeon and a day later Bucky found himself nervously bouncing his leg as the elevator brought him to the floor she was on. Steve accompanied him as Bucky was second guessing himself from the moment he decided he wanted to see Y/N.

What would he even say? Y/N doesn’t know Bucky, she knows James. Would she appreciate his visit or think he’s stalking her? With Steve at his side at least he had an excuse, Captain America did rescue her after all.

Bucky tightened his grip on the bouquet of peonies in his hand as he takes a few deep breaths outside of her door. Steve tilted his head, motioning Bucky to go inside. With a shaky exhale of nerves Bucky slowly walked into Y/N’s room. The first thing he sees is her foot in a cast, elevated on a few pillows. His eyes travel upwards and he finds her sleeping.

Bucky used this as an opportunity to leave, he doesn’t want to bother her. He’s practically a stranger anyway, this is weird, he thinks internally.

“Turn around,” he whispered to Steve who doesn’t move.

“We’re here now, Buck,” Steve replied, holding himself in the door frame to block Bucky from leaving.

“No, I want to leave. This is wrong. I can’t see her.” Steve tried to reason with Bucky again but he was set on wanting to go. “What am I supposed to say, Steve? ‘Thanks for making me a video, in return I broke your ankle ‘cause I didn’t stop a bomb in time. Sorry, doll!’ Steve I can’t do this…”

“Hello?”

Bucky froze at the sound of her voice. Shit, he was supposed to be whispering. He wasn’t supposed to wake her up.  
Y/N can see the back of someone standing towards the door. She’s in too much pain to adjust her body to get a better look so she calls out again.

Steve practically forced Bucky to turn around and they walk in together. Y/N’s mouth drops open in shock as Steve Rogers is in her hospital room, greeting her hello while his friend Bucky Barnes whose gaze is focused on the floor.

Y/N is speechless, trying to sound out words until she can finally formulate a sentence, “Wow, hi. What are you…” She can’t complete what she wanted to say. How did Captain America find her?

“We wanted to check in on you,” Steve said, forcibly nudging Bucky to hand over the vase of flowers he still held.

Bucky kept his gaze towards the speckled floor tiles as he handed the flowers towards her, mumbling, “These are for you.”

Y/N brought the large pink blossoms to her nose, inhaling the sweet fragrance of her favorite flower.  _Her favorite._

She looks up at the two men again, and Steve could read the way her face was trying to work out the pieces of the puzzle laid out for her. She thinks back to a few moments ago when the sound of a man arguing woke her, remembering a few words, video, bomb, doll.

Seeing the silver glint of Bucky’s prosthetic arm confirmed Y/N’s suspicion and she gasped at the realization. James “Bucky” Barnes was  _her_ James.

“James?” she nervously asked. Bucky lifted his head up shamefully, giving her a quick glimpse of his regretful eyes before they flitted back down. “Why didn’t you tell me who you were?”

Bucky sighed; it was time to face his actions. When Bucky lifted his head he expected her to be upset, but instead Y/N looked at him with concern and a calming wave washed over him. Her gaze felt natural, it was the same way she was concerned over his well being throughout his personal video except now there were no barriers.

Bucky chewed on his bottom lip before he answered her, “Would you have believed me?”

“Probably not,” Y/N chuckled through her answer, and Bucky couldn’t believe he heard that joyful sound in person.

She motioned for him to sit in the chair beside her, neither of them noticing that Steve had left.

Bucky’s heart was racing, he never imagined he would ever be this close to her. She’s even more beautiful in person, even with the terrible hospital lighting, wearing a gown he knows she would love to trade for her favorite oversized sweater.

His eyes shift towards her foot, and his stomach twisted into knots. “I-I’m sorry about your ankle. I shoulda seen it coming. I…”

“James,” she whispered, “This isn’t your fault.”

Bucky rubbed the back of his neck as he started to disagree with her, stopping mid-sentence when he felt her soft hand reach out to touch his.

Now that Y/N knew who James was, everything made even more sense. All of the memories that plagued his mind, the past he had trouble letting go of; Bucky Barnes punishes himself with guilt even when he’s not responsible.

“This isn’t your fault,” she reassured him and Bucky connected his gaze with hers, his blue eyes locked on Y/N’s familiar eyes that smile through her videos, crinkling delicately at the edges when her lips are pulled wide.

Y/N reached her hand out hesitantly and Bucky’s heart skipped a beat when she connects her soft palm to his stubble covered cheek. Her thumb swipes gently against his skin and he pressed deeper into her touch.

Bucky stayed with her the rest of the day, and came back each day as they got to know each other even better now that their technological barrier was down.

Bucky helped Y/N to her apartment, assisting where he could to make things more accessible now that she would be on crutches for a while. He brought over dinner a few times a week and they sat on her couch to watch movies.   
Sometimes Y/N would fall asleep against him, and it was times like those that allowed him to fall asleep easier, knowing she felt safe with him. Bucky was still unsure if they were just very close friends or if she wanted something more.

A couple of months had passed and Bucky was getting ready to watch Y/N’s livestream. She was brushing the camera in between responding to comments. A lot of people had questions about her recovery, someone commented that her hair was looking healthy and wanted to know what she was using. When someone asked about her love life Bucky sat up straighter, watching the way her lips pulled into a coy smile.

“Well, there is someone I’m interested in. We’ve been hanging out with each other for a while. He’s really sweet and has the biggest heart out of anyone I know. Yes, he knows about my channel,” she whispered a response to the latest comment.

As Y/N stared at the camera she knew Bucky was watching and with an optimistic exhale she continued, “I just hope he feels the same way about me.”

Bucky’s lips pulled into a grin that spread across his face, his fingers typing as fast as they could for TheWhiteWolf to comment, “I’m sure if he sees this video he’ll tell you he feels the same way.”

Y/N and Bucky are cuddling together under a blanket. They’ve been together, officially, for six months though it feels like much longer. Thanks to his restless nights nearly two years ago, he found her. His whispering angel. As Y/N runs her fingers through his dark strands, Bucky melts into her touch, humming with content as he grips her tighter.

“Putty in my hands,” she murmured softly.

Bucky lifts his head towards Y/N, seeing the smile that’s spread across her beautiful face. Crawling up her body, he gets close enough to kiss her, his moans dissolving on her lips as Y/N lightly scratches at the base of his scalp.

Bucky feels her smile against his lips and he can’t believe how much she makes him feel loved. Snow is falling steadily onto the cold streets of Manhattan but Bucky is full of warmth, and he couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.


End file.
